Top 200+ Sarcastic Quotes That Will Make You Smirk

Top 200+ Sarcastic Quotes That Will Make You Smirk Sarcasm Quotes by Factober

Written by Vishal for Factober

FACTOBER KNOWLEDGE & INSPIRATION

October 12, 2020

Sarcasm Quotes

Sarcasm is one of the most popular forms of humor, which requires a strong understanding of something you are making something of. Is it a talent or humor sense I don’t know, join the conversation in the comments, and tell what do you think about it?

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  1. 12 am call from a friend. Friend: Are you asleep? Me: Nope, I just like dancing at midnight while everyone is asleep.
  2. 1st Person: Did you fall? 2nd Person: Of course not! I just attacked the floor.
  3. A diary with no drawings of me in it? Where are the torrid fantasies? The romance covers? Cassandra Clare, City of Bones
  4. A little girl robbed you?” Tessa said. “Actually, she wasn’t a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress with a penchant for violence, who goes by the name of Six-Fingered Nigel.” “Easy mistake to make,” Jem said.” Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel
  5. A man is a penis-wrinkle when calling him a dickhead would be a compliment. NM Facile, Across The Hall
  6. Alec looked at her and shook his head. “How do you manage never to get mud on your clothes?” Isabelle shrugged philosophically. “I’m pure at heart. It repels the dirt.” Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
  7. Are you always a smartass? Nope. Sometimes I’m asleep. Jim Butcher, Blood Rites
  8. Are you sleeping? No, I am trying to hear what the pillow says.
  9. Are you sure this is your territory?
  10. Aren’t you supposed to say that everything is going to be okay? C.V. Hunt, Legacy
  11. Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no fibs. Oliver Goldsmith, She Stoops to Conquer
  12. Behold the conquering hero, Otoku murmured, dashing off to war with his favorite doll. Will Wight
  13. Boy: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl: No. I dug my way up from hell.
  14. Boy: Do you have any sense? Girl: Ya, do you want some?
  15. Bully: And what are you going to do about it? Me: Nothing, but if you don’t do something about that attitude, you may get stuck.
  16. By the light, he said, when he had mastered himself. I think that beats singing a lullaby to a stormdog for simplicity and economy, Maerad. But I wish I had known that you simply had to blow at Hulls to get rid of them. It would have saved me a few scars. Alison Croggon, The Singing
  17. Carpe Diem, just remember that we’re partying on the Titanic. Will McIntosh, Soft Apocalypse
  18. Christians rejected the need for proof to support belief in God, yet dismissed proof altogether when it was there. Kira Peikoff, Living Proof
  19. Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?
  20. Don’t stop there. I suppose there are also, what, vampires and werewolves and zombies?” “Of course there are. Although you mostly find zombies farther south, where the voudun priests are.” “What about mummies? Do they only hang around Egypt?” “Don’t be ridiculous. No one believes in mummies. Cassandra Clare, City of Bones
  21. Don’t you have any desire for vengeance?” he asked before he remembered that she wasn’t Italian. Donna Leon, Death at La Fenice
  22. Don’t bother me. I’m trying to give a damn about what you just said.
  23. Don’t give up, girl! Keep chasing him! But I guess he runs away because you have a beautiful face in ugly people’s point of view.
    Don’t talk while I am interrupting!
  24. Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. Ambrose Bierce, The Unabridged Devil’s Dictionary
  25. Every woman is beautiful, but not every woman has someone to tell her that. Ljupka Cvetanova, The New Land
  26. Girls, on the other hand, have always come easy. I don’t know why that is, exactly. Maybe it’s the outsider vibe and a well-placed brooding look. Maybe it’s something I think I see sometimes in the mirror, something that reminds me of my father. Or maybe I’m just damn easy on the eyes. Kendare Blake, Anna Dressed in Blood
  27. Have you noticed we can breathe in here too? Gosh, I wouldn’t have picked up on that. Dan Abnett, Hereticus
  28. High School. Society’s bright idea to put all their aggressive, naive youth into one environment to torment and emotionally scar each other for life. Chris Colfer, Struck By Lightning: The Carson Phillips Journal
  29. Hooray for me, I’m so very lucky. Not only do I have the biggest piece of cake, it’s a corner piece with a sugar-paste flower on top, and everyone else is sick with envy. Lisa Kleypas, Devil’s Daughter
  30. How ’bout a shot of truth in that denial cocktail. Jennifer Salaiz
  31. How long have you been with Raphael? You ask a lot of questions for a dead woman. What can I say? I prefer to die well-informed. Nalini Singh, Angels’ Blood
  32. I am in full possession of the amazing power of being sarcastic. Sarah Rees Brennan, The Demon’s Covenant
    I appreciate thieves who do their research, but at least you recognize worth when you see it. M.L. LeGette, The Orphan and the Thief
    I asked God to punish me, next day I met you.
  33. I can be quite sarcastic when I’m in the mood. J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye
  34. I can be quite sarcastic when I’m in the mood. J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye Perfect! Now we’re being chased by hoards of monkeys! Perhaps you would care to name their species as we’re attacked, just so I can appreciate the special traits of said monkey as it kills me! At least when the monkeys are harassing you, you dont have any time to harass me! Colleen Houck, Tiger’s Curse
  35. I can see your lips moving but I don’t know why.
    I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible. Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey
  36. I could try to write really American ones. Already, I’ve jotted down a few of them. Objects create happiness. The animals are pleased to be of use. Your cities will shine forever. Death will not touch you. Jenny Offill, Dept. of Speculation
  37. I don’t do what I’m told, but I might do what you want if you ask me nicely. Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
  38. I don’t know about your true form, but the weight of your ego sure is pushing the crust of the earth toward the breaking point. Jim Butcher, Grave Peril
  39. I don’t know how you persist in being so stubborn. It’s a superpower. I was bitten by a radioactive mule. Shannon Hale, The Actor and the Housewife
  40. I don’t profess any religion; I don’t think it’s possible that there is a God; I have the greatest difficulty in understanding what is meant by the words ‘spiritual’ or ‘spirituality.’ Philip Pullman
  41. I don’t want tea,” said Clary, with muffled force. “I want to find my mother. And then I want to find out who took her in the first place, and I want to kill them. Unfortunately,” said Hodge, “we’re all out of bitter revenge at the moment, so it’s either tea or nothing. Cassandra Clare, City of Bones
  42. I don’t believe in plastic surgery, But in your case, Go ahead.
  43. I was born in the dark but it wasn’t last night.
  44. I was debating on jumping and ending my despair over losing my best friend, but I decided to call you instead. Holly Hood, Ink
  45. I was supposed to be waiting up here when you got back, only your Phoenix lot got in the way… Yes, they do that, said Dumbledore. J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
  46. I wasn’t entirely sure, but a polite John Pritkin might be a sign of the apocalypse. Karen Chance, Embrace the Night
  47. I will not be sworn but love may transform me to an oyster; but I’ll take my oath on it, till he have made an oyster of me, he shall never make me such a fool. William Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing
  48. I’m sorry. I use my rapier wit to hide my inner pain. Cassandra Clare
  49. I’m space paparazzi now. The attitude comes with the job. Andy Weir, The Martian
  50. I’m not late. I’m just early for tomorrow.
  51. I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.
  52. If I wanted to kill myself I’ll have to climb your ego and then jump to your IQ.
  53. If money’s the god people worship, I’d rather go worship the devil instead. Jess C Scott, Rockstar
  54. If stupidity was a profession then you’d be a billionaire.
  55. If you are going to do that, would you mind not jostling the bed so much?’ came a sarcastic voice near the head board. ‘Perhaps you could roll around on the floor. Julie Kagawa, The Iron Daughter
  56. If you say ‘we’re in this together,’ I’m going to hurl. Kelley Armstrong
  57. In every day and in every way, we’re all that much closer to death. Charles Atkins
  58. In fact this bad baronet died true to the conditions of his kind, mysteriously in his library, at midnight, while a great deal of snow was falling. Michael Innes, What Happened At Hazlewood
  59. It worried me, this covering of couches. What could be so frightfully dirty that fourteen layers of linens were needed to cover it? Sensing this could be a test, I shifted slightly to see if someone might have placed a pea somewhere under the cushion that I was supposed to feel with my behind. Nothing. I guess I’ll never be a princess. Gregory S. Williams, Fatal Indemnity
  60. It’s weird, marriage. It’s like this license that gives a person the legal right to control their spouse / their ‘other half. Jess C. Scott, Blind Leading Another
  61. It’s wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs. Christopher Moore, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal
  62. It’s fascinating. You know all these words, and they’re all English, but when you string them together into sentences, they just don’t make any sense. Cassandra Clare, City of Fallen Angels
  63. Italian to the core, he did not for an instant doubt that a man could be passionately devoted to the wife he betrayed with other women. Donna Leon, A Noble Radiance
  64. Kidnapped by a vampire, death by a squid. How tragic. Abigail Gibbs, Dinner with a Vampire
  65. Let me ask you a question Alex. What do you think is the greatest evil on this plant today? Is that including, or not including you? Anthony Horowitz, Eagle Strike
  66. Let me guess, Mat. I’m a traveling merchant who once trained with the Aiel and who has come to the village because he’s heard there’s a trout that lives in the lake who insulted his father. Brandon Sanderson, The Gathering Storm
  67. Let’s share, you’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.
  68. Listen, Peaches, trickery is what humans are all about, said the voice of Maurice. They’re so keen on tricking one another all the time that they elect governments to do it for them. Terry Pratchett, The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents
  69. Little-known fact about cheerleaders: They keep schedules that would make grown marines cry. Jennifer Lynn Barnes, Killer Spirit
  70. Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse. P.G. Wodehouse, The Small Bachelor
  71. Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.
  72. Monsignor Montan-n-nelli… is undoubtedly all you say, my dear doctor. In fact, he appears to be so much too good for this world that he ought to be politely escorted into the next. E.L. Voynich
  73. My dear Miss Bridgerton,” he said, wiping his eyes, “if you are the soul of kindness and amiability, then the world must be a very dangerous place. Julia Quinn, The Duke and I
  74. No, but as a vampire, I’m able to detect subtle shifts in emotional energy. Rachel Hawkins, Demonglass
  75. Nobody should have to die to a crappy soundtrack. James R. Tuck, Blood and Bullets
  76. Of course I talk like an idiot. How else could you understand me?
  77. Oh I’m sorry, were we supposed to dress stupid today?
  78. Oh look?? I found your nose all up in. My damn business again!
  79. Oh no. Oh God. I couldn’t possibly be so stupid. Don’t limit yourself. You can be anything you wish. Tessa Dare, A Week to Be Wicked
  80. Ok look man, you clearly are not hard up for money, you’re driving a range rover, so call whoever has your jaguar or benz and ask them to help you out. I got things to do. Holly Hood, Prison of Paradise
  81. One might be led to suspect that there were all sorts of things going on in the Universe which he or she did not thoroughly understand. Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five
  82. Peabody had better retire to her bed; she is clearly in need of recuperative sleep, she has not made a sarcastic remark for fully ten minutes. Elizabeth Peters, Crocodile on the Sandbank
  83. Person 1: What are the papers saying today? Me: I don’t know, haven’t talked to them yet.
  84. Person: Go to hell. Me: I’m packing my bags, just promise me you won’t end up there.
  85. Please don’t interupt me when I’m ignoring you.
  86. Sadists are strangely the smartest, because they know best how to represent selfishness as socialism. Subhralin Thakuria
  87. Sarcasm doesn’t get you anywhere. Me: Well it got me to the Sarcasm World Championships in Peru in 98 “Really? Me: No
  88. Sarcasm is the last refuge of the imaginatively bankrupt. Cassandra Clare, City of Bones
  89. Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. E.L. James, Fifty Shades Darker
  90. Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal
  91. Sarcasm: curing the world one insult at a time.
  92. Simon: So were you following me? Or is it just an amazing coincidence that you happened to be on the roof of a building I was walking by when I got attacked? Cassandra Clare, City of Fallen Angels
  93. Smile for the Camera. What the hell for? I asked. It’s staring at me, and it’s kinda creepy. Shane Spencer
  94. So, there I was, encased in about ten feet of cement, and walled into the basement of Ahab’s coffee shop. Being buried alive was just about as much fun as you would think. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t see, couldn’t move. My skin ached… April Wahlin, Pandora Syndrome
  95. So, you’re telling me the zoo commissioned you to make a zombie panda in order to avoid a potential international incident. Lish McBride, Hold Me Closer, Necromancer
  96. Someone asked me: Are your hair naturally red??? I replied: “No I soak my hair every night in the blood of my enemies”.
  97. Sometimes some people need a high five. On the head. With a sledgehammer.
  98. Talking to myself. Because who else will?
  99. Tell me… Is being stupid a profession or are you just gifted?
  100. That’s the difference between irony and sarcasm. Irony can be spontaneous, while sarcasm requires volition. You have to create sarcasm. Christopher Moore, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal
  101. The logic behind patriotism is a mystery. At least a man who believes that his own family or clan is superior to all others is familiar with more than 0.000003% of the people involved. Criss Jami, Killosophy
  102. The more this guy talked, the more he sounded like a fortune cookie. Kelly Creagh, Nevermore
  103. The reciprocal civility of authors is one of the most risible scenes in the farce of life. Samuel Johnson
    The trash will get picked up tomorrow, be ready.
  104. There should be a rule against your own inner monologue throwing around that much sarcasm. Jim Butcher, Ghost Story
  105. There you are,” Cardan says as I take my place beside him. “How has the night been going for you? Mine has been full of dull conversation about how my head is going to find itself on a spike. Holly Black, The Cruel Prince
  106. They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit,” Valkyrie said. China glanced at her. “They’ve obviously never met me. Derek Landy, Mortal Coil
  107. This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic. Lorrie Moore, Like Life
  108. This time I wore a bonnet, otherwise the house keeper would scold me as if I were a thoughtless child; the sun will cook your brain and addle your pretty little mind, Mrs. Finch. Right, I don’t think a bonnet could help you any, Madame. Maddy Kobar, With a Reckless Abandon
  109. Those of you who agree with me, raise your hands… on those who don’t! Ljupka Cvetanova, The New Land
  110. Throughout a joke, the truth comes out. Zybejta “Beta” Metani’ Marashi
  111. Too young,too young,she chanted to herself. Wrong,of course. I was older than her grandfather but according to my driver’s license,she was right. Stephenie Meyer, Midnight Sun
  112. Truth” or relative truth emerges only after decades of experiments by thousands of groups all over the world. If you think you have a higher “objectivity quotient” than either of them, why haven’t you been nominated for a Nobel prize? Robert Anton Wilson, Prometheus Rising
  113. Two hotheads traveling together through dangerous territory. Nothing disastrous about that combination. No, not at all. Becky Moynihan, Adaptive
  114. Waitress: Would you like a table? Me: No, not at all, I came to the restaurant to eat on the ground. Carpet for 5 please!
  115. We are the generation of Social Media, Our biggest Revolution is a Tweet of 141 Characters. Sandra Chami Kassis
  116. We COULD be rare specimens of an exotic breed of dancing African elephants, but we’re not. At least, I’M not. Neil Gaiman, Coraline
  117. Well, someone slap my butt and give me a hero cookie. Sherrilyn Kenyon, Infinity
  118. What was up with class today? It was watered-down porn. He practically had you and Patch on top of your lab table, horizontal, minus your clothes, doing the Big Deed. Becca Fitzpatrick, Hush, Hush
  119. When he opened the door, the light from within threw his shadow clear across the yard, and for just a moment Tyrion Lannister stood tall as a king. George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones
  120. When life shuts a door in your face. Open it. That’s how doors work. Right?
  121. While the Clave disapproves of trespassers, oddly they take an even darker view of beheading and skinning people. They’re peculiar that way. Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel
  122. Why were you lurking under our window?” “Yes – yes, good point, Petunia! What were you doing under our windows, boy?” “Listening to the news,” said Harry in a resigned voice. His aunt and uncle exchanged looks of outrage. “Listening to the news! Again?” “Well, it changes every day, you see,” said Harry. J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
  123. Will suspected Jem was in fact cleverer than he was himself – but he lacked Will’s tendency to assume the absolute worst about people and proceed from there. Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel
  124. Yes, because a vampire slumber party is the pinnacle of safety conscious behavior. Stephenie Meyer, Eclipse
  125. Yet, I didn’t understand that she was intentionally disguising her feelings with sarcasm; that was usually the last resort of people who are timid and chaste of heart, whose souls have been coarsely and impudently invaded; and who, until the last moment, refuse to yield out of pride and are afraid to express their own feelings to you. Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Notes from Underground, White Nights, The Dream of a Ridiculous Man, and Selections from The House of the Dead
  126. Yet, I didn’t understand that she was intentionally disguising her feelings with sarcasm; that was usually the last resort of people who are timid and chaste of heart, whose souls have been coarsely and impudently invaded; and who, until the last moment, refuse to yield out of pride and are afraid to express their own feelings to you. Fyodor Dostoyevsky
  127. You are not useless because you can still be used as a bad example.
  128. You can deduct it from my slow and painful death. Nalini Singh, Angels’ Blood
  129. You did not just say that. I have a feeling we’re on the verge of hugging and coming up with cute nicknames for each other. Richelle Mead, Shadow Kiss
  130. You don’t like me. Ohh sh*t, no way, I’m gonna die, I can’t live like this. Just kidding !!!
  131. You just bought an expensive gift for someone. Person: Oh my, how did you manage to buy this for me? Me: Well, urm I just exchanged it for a lot of money.
  132. You make the rarest canvas, love. Madeline Miller, Galatea
  133. You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. They are my old friends. I have heard you mention them with consideration these last twenty years at least. Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
  134. You must have been going very fast. I was, until I hit the fence.” Anthony Horowitz, Ark Angel
  135. You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm. It’s really funny. Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians
  136. You think he left a big flashing arrow pointing to a filing cabinet labeled ‘Evidence Here!’? He’s a Stray, Ethan, not Wile E. Coyote! Rachel Vincent, Prey
  137. You: Hey you just insulted me. Me: Wow did you just figured that out?
  138. You’re a big help, Mr. I Read So Many Books. Laura Ruby, The Chaos King
  139. Young people, nowadays, imagine that money is everything. Yes, murmured Lord Henry, settling his button-hole in his coat; and when they grow older they know it. Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray and Other Writings
  140. Your bae is suffering from low self-esteem, well, maybe that’s why she’s dating you.
  141. Your head is just there to keep your ears apart.
  142. Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.
  143. Minho snickered and leaned back in his chair. Man, you are one butt-load of sunshine, let me tell you. James Dashner, The Maze Runner
  144. A psycho murderer who lubed. How considerate. Jordan Castillo Price, Among the Living
  145. And here I was thinking you were a bit slow, what with so much asking and not knowing anything. Carlos Ruiz Zafón, The Shadow of the Wind
  146. As could the sarcasm in her voice. “yes, she’s bleeding to deat Lu upstairs, but i thought I’d avoid telling you right away, because I like to draw the suspense out. Cassandra Clare, City of Fallen Angels
  147. Brenda: It worked, judging from the fact that you’re not trying to kill us anymore… James Dashner, The Death Cure
  148. Clever is when one is crafty enough to mistake your imagination for intelligence. Smart is when one assumes they are too educated to notice the difference. Kerry E. Wagner
  149. Could you attempt, at least, to make yourself presentable? I know this is a war, but the rest of us are trying to pretend it’s a party. Kristin Cashore, Fire
  150. Could you please stop dripping your sarcasm all over my car’s interior? Robin Benway, Emmy & Oliver
  151. Dear Karma, I really hate you right now, you made your point. Ottilie Weber, Family Ties
  152. Discord says it’s a good idea. That’s comforting. Melissa Marr, Darkest Mercy
  153. Do I look like the kind of person who wastes time turning goats into pin cushions? L.J. Smith, Night World, No. 1
  154. For the whole earth is the tomb of famous men; not only are they commemorated by columns and inscriptions in their own country, but in foreign lands there dwells also an unwritten memorial of them, graven not on stone but in the hearts of men. Make them your examples, and, esteeming courage to be freedom and freedom to be happiness, do not weigh too nicely the perils of war. Thucydides, History of the Peloponnesian War
  155. Forgive me, Your Grace. Are you suggesting a woman is some sort of … piece of fruit to you? One squeeze, and you know if she’s ripe? Tessa Dare, One Dance with a Duke
  156. He just waited until I stopped talking and said, ‘Jesus, kid, you’re almost a detective. All you need now is a gun, a gut, and three ex-wives. So what’s your theory? John Green, Paper Towns
  157. He made a sound of disgust in the back of his throat. “Oh thank you so much. That’s what every man wants to hear about his name. You might as well call me ‘Little Pecker’ while you’re at it and tell me you would love to have me go shopping with you for feminine hygiene products. Oh and by all means, carry a big, sparkling pink bag with flowers on it and make me hold it. Sherrilyn Kenyon, No Mercy
  158. His voice, the very sound of rolling eyes. Thomas Mullen, The Many Deaths of the Firefly Brothers
  159. I am often thought of as being remarkably bright, and yet my brains, more often than not, are busily devising new and interesting ways of bringing my enemies to sudden, gagging, writhing, agonizing death. Alan Bradley, The Weed That Strings the Hangman’s Bag
  160. I don’t understand German myself. I learned it at school, but forgot every word of it two years after I had left, and have felt much better ever since. Jerome K. Jerome, Three Men in a Boat
  161. I forgot my purse of laughter when I dressed this mornin’, she told me. Have you not bought anythin’ the last few days? Prices have gone up. Pay or starve, it’s all one to me. Tamora Pierce, Bloodhound
  162. I knew it was beautiful, but knowing something is beautiful and caring about it are two very different things, and I didn’t care. Maureen Johnson, Let It Snow: Three Holiday Romances
  163. I suppose the latest thing is to sit back and let Mr. Nobody from Nowhere make love to your wife. F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby
  164. I try to smile at her, but I can’t extend my flexibility training to my mouth, it just won’t move. Stephanie Campbell, Grounding Quinn
  165. I’m not bipolar, I’ve just had a bipolar life foisted upon me. Daniel O’Malley, The Rook
  166. If you are not going to be a comfort, have the decency to be an empty space. Jennifer Crusie, Bet Me
  167. If you wish, I shall go personally to your City and knock together the heads of Perlith and Galooney. Robin McKinley, The Hero and the Crown
  168. It’s Thursday afternoon, and we have sports. These are the choices for the girls: watching an invitational cricket game; studying in one of the classrooms; or watching the senior rugby league. As you can imagine, I’m torn. Melina Marchetta, Saving Francesca
  169. Ivypool felt her mouth drop open Hollyleaf? But… you you’re dead! Obviously not, the newcomer replied with an edge to her voice. Erin Hunter, The Forgotten Warrior
  170. Jace said that the cast of Gilligan’s Island could do something anatomically unlikely with themselves. Cassandra Clare
  171. Jules stood up and stretched gracelessly. Let’s hurry up and pay before she”-she indicated Claire with a flick of her thumb-sees something shiny and we lose her again. Kimberly Derting, The Body Finder
  172. My mind reels with sarcastic replies! Charles M. Schulz, The Complete Peanuts, Vol. 7: 1963-1964
  173. Oh,” she said, in a very different way. “Well. Thanks for my part in the compliment. Naturally I’d love to be watched and controlled, but I think I may be washing my hair that day. Sarah Rees Brennan, The Demon’s Covenant
  174. One day I’ll work out what it is you are saying, my lad, and then you’ll be in trouble. Terry Pratchett, I Shall Wear Midnight
  175. Relationships are so much like the United States – they only really thrive when faced with an external threat. Laura Pedersen, Best Bet
  176. Sam gave Captain Suicide a droll stare. How did you die again? Oh wait, I know this. ‘I can take ’em. I don’t need to wait for reinforcements. I can do it myself.’ How’d that work out for you again? Sherrilyn Kenyon, No Mercy
  177. Sarcasm creates a chasm between yourself and others. Gayle Forman
  178. Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit. Oscar Wilde
  179. Sarcasm will make your tits fall off. Christopher Moore, Fool
  180. Should I pull on a shirt?” he asked with hint of amusement. I WILL NOT BLUSH. No. He’d be doing the world a favor if he never wore a shirt again, but I wasn’t going to tell him that part. You’re fine. Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland
  181. So this was the rest of his life. It felt like a party to which he’d been invited, but at an address he couldn’t actually locate. Someone must be having fun at it, this life of his; only, right at the moment, it wasn’t him. Margaret Atwood, Oryx and Crake
  182. Sometimes I feel so sick at the state of the world I can’t even finish my second apple pie. Banksy, Wall and Piece
  183. Strange though it is,Sarov still cares about you. He told me to leave you alone. But I think, this time, I must disobey the general. You are mine! And I intend to make you suffer… Just talking to you makes me suffer, Alex said. Anthony Horowitz, Skeleton Key
  184. That’s one way we differ, Jaime and I. He’s taller as well, you may have noticed. George R.R. Martin
  185. The doctor seemed especially troubled by the fact of the robbery having been unexpected, and attempted in the night-time; as if it were the established custom of gentlemen in the housebreaking way to transact business at noon, and to make an appointment, by the twopenny post, a day or two previous. Charles Dickens, Oliver Twist
  186. The earl shook his head, exhibiting a degree of frosty offense that could only be achieved by an aristocrat whose wishes had just been gainsaid. I’ve never heard of a man being so eager to confess to the parent of a girl he’s just ruined,” he said sourly. Lisa Kleypas, Secrets of a Summer Night
  187. The platform underneath the balloon fell on her as she was trying to escape, she explained. She was crushed. I’d have been disappointed too. Anthony Horowitz, Scorpia
    Then why are you here? Emma demanded. Oh, is this one of those missed-connections things? We met the other night, you felt a spark? Sorry, but I don’t date trees. I am not a tree. Iarlath looked angry, his bark peeling slightly. Cassandra Clare, Lady Midnight
  188. There are these amazing little seeds called compassion.  You should grow some. Richelle E. Goodrich, Smile Anyway: Quotes, Verse, and Grumblings for Every Day of the Year
  189. Thinking I’m a moron gives people something to feel smug about,” Charles Wallace said. “Why should I disillusion them? Madeleine L’Engle, A Wrinkle in Time
  190. Thomas was an annoying wiseass who tended to make everyone he met want to kill him, and when I have that much in common with someone, I can’t help but like him a little. Jim Butcher, Blood Rites
  191. Vampires were always either trying to kill me, or own me. God I hated being popular. Laurell K. Hamilton, Cerulean Sins
  192. Where did you live before you came here? I asked. The moon, he said smoothly. We left because the place had no atmosphere. Laurie Halse Anderson, The Impossible Knife of Memory
  193. While Daniel disappeared into his room, probably to limn the contours of some exquisite constellation of philosophical nonsense for his internship applications and gasp in the throes of his overachieving OCDness. Michelle Hodkin, The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer
  194. Who cares even if I didn’t?!” Conor shouted back. “They’re just stupid berries. Woo-hoo, so scary. Oh, please, please, save me from the berries! The monster looked at him quizzically. How strange, it said. The words you say tell me you are scared of the berries, but your actions seems to suggest otherwise. Patrick Ness, A Monster Calls
  195. Why can’t these American women stay in their own country? They are always telling us that it is the paradise for women. It is. That is the reason why, like Eve, they are so excessively anxious to get out of it. Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray and Other Writings
  196. Why do you have a cigarette lighter in your glove compartment?” her husband, Jack, asked her. “I’m bored with knitting. I’ve taken up arson. Audrey Niffenegger, Her Fearful Symmetry
  197. Yes, heaven forbid I not be protected from tanks. Stephenie Meyer, Breaking Dawn
  198. Yes. Yes I am. I am a completely demented misogynist. Bret Easton Ellis
  199. You could shove it up your ass and pretend you’re a corn dog. COURTESY VIOLATION-RESPONSE MUTED-VIOLATION LOGGED. Ernest Cline, Ready Player One
  200. You know, Gilan, sarcasm isn’t the lowest form of wit. It’s not even wit at all. John Flanagan
  201. You’ve missed a lot of things. But mostly I think you’ve missed several opportunities to leave. Let me assist you to the door so that you won’t miss this next one. Victoria Laurie, Abby Cooper, Psychic Eye
  202. Your cell phone is on the nightstand. Call me immediately if something changes. I don’t care if you are merely dizzy or if you start seeing pink dragons, do you understand? I solemnly swear I will call you the second a pink dragon shows up. Jessica Fortunato, The Sin Collector
  203. Your wit is always such a delight, Mr. Zeklos. I can barely contain myself around it. Richelle Mead, Shadow Kiss

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