Did You Know These Top 100 Humour Quotes About Everything?

Did You Know These Top 100 Humour Quotes About Everything Random Quotes Curated by Factober

Written by Vishal for Factober

FACTOBER KNOWLEDGE & INSPIRATION

September 11, 2020

Humour Quotes

You’re busy living someone else’s life, but, there is far more than that. Don’t waste your time, read these top 100+ best inspirational humorous quotes that will inspire and entertain you. Life is awesome.

Are you living it to the fullest? Read these humor quotes, get some smile on your lips, and start doing something awesome that will help you achieve the impossible. There is nothing impossible. Someone does it every day. Do you?

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Did You Know These Top 100 Humour Quotes About Everything Random Humor Quotes Curated by Factober
  1. Don’t Panic. Douglas Adams
  2. If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign? Laurence J. Peter
  3. The reason I talk to myself is that I’m the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin
  4. Be careful about reading health books. Some fine day you’ll die of a misprint. Markus Herz
  5. I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer. Douglas Adams
  6. It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them! Friedrich Nietzsche
  7. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse. Thomas Szasz
  8. I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. Groucho Marx
  9. When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’. Groucho Marx
  10. Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead. Charles Bukowski
  11. The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. Terry Pratchett, Diggers
  12. If you’re listening to this, congratulations! You survived Doomsday. Rick Riordan
  13. Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could. Charles J. Sykes
  14. The wider you spread your fingers apart while clapping is equal to the amount of retarded you look while clapping. Christy Leigh Stewart
  15. All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring. Chuck Palahniuk
  16. If you ever find yourself in the wrong story, leave. Mo Willems
  17. Never memorize something that you can look up to. Albert Einstein
  18. People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day. A.A. Milne, Winnie the Pooh
  19. Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right. Isaac Asimov
  20. It’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt. Mark Twain
  21. Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional. Chili Davis
  22. Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before. Steven Wright
  23. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they’re ok, then it’s you. Rita Mae Brown
  24. Plans are an invitation to disappointment. Derek Landy
  25. Sometimes when I’m talking, my words can’t keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice. Bill Watterson
  26. Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. C.E.M. Joad
  27. Reality continues to ruin my life. Bill Watterson, The Complete Calvin, and Hobbes
  28. I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. W.C. Fields
  29. If at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. W.C. Fields
  30. This life’s hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid. George V. Higgins
  31. Only a true best friend can protect you from your immortal enemies. Richelle Mead
  32. Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe. Albert Einstein
  33. When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity. Albert Einstein
  34. My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best. Winston S. Churchill
  35. You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. Mae West
  36. I suppose I’ll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies. Lemony Snicket
  37. Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. Mark Twain
  38. Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don’t always like. Lemony Snicket
  39. Of all the trees we could’ve hit, we had to get one that hits back. J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
  40. Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one. Terry Pratchett
  41. It’s no use going back to yesterday because I was a different person then. Lewis Carroll
  42. There are two motives for reading a book; one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it. Bertrand Russell
  43. Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.
  44. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Steve Martin
  45. It is a great thing to start life with a small number of really good books which are your very own. Arthur Conan Doyle
  46. Deadlines just aren’t real to me until I’m staring one in the face. Rick Riordan
  47. Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. Will Rogers
  48. Every now and then I like to do as I’m told, just to confuse people. Tamora Pierce, Melting Stones
  49. Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well. Mark Twain
  50. I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. Mark Twain
  51. I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know. Mark Twain
  52. I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by. Douglas Adams
  53. There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. Douglas Adams
  54. The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be. Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
  55. Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. Douglas Adams
  56. There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line. Oscar Levant
  57. I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen
  58. Don’t feel bad, I’m usually about to die. Rick Riordan
  59. Whenever I feel the need to exercise, I lie down until it goes away. Paul Terry
  60. I’m sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It’s just been too intelligent to come here. Arthur C. Clarke
  61. I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read on the train. Oscar Wilde
  62. I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability. Oscar Wilde
  63. Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day, but set fire to him and he’s warm for the rest of his life. Terry Pratchett
  64. Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. Terry Pratchett
  65. I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal. Jane Austen
  66. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying ‘End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH’, the paint wouldn’t even have time to dry. Terry Pratchett
  67. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin
  68. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Dr. Seuss
  69. It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it’s called Life. Terry Pratchett
  70. Time is a drug. Too much of it kills you. Terry Pratchett
  71. I have great faith in fools – self-confidence my friends will call it. Edgar Allan Poe
  72. Tell the truth, or someone will tell it for you. Stephanie Klein
  73. Do your thing and don’t care if they like it. Tina Fey
  74. Some people say, “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone. Tina Fey, Bossypants

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