Factober
Quotes by:
Henny Youngman

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad but New York

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad but New York City?
Posted 3 months, 3 weeks ago

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.
Posted 3 months, 3 weeks ago

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get r

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
Posted 3 months, 3 weeks ago

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
Posted 3 months, 3 weeks ago

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Posted 3 months, 3 weeks ago

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
Posted 3 months, 3 weeks ago

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Posted 3 months, 3 weeks ago

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-u

When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
Posted 3 months, 3 weeks ago

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Posted 3 months, 3 weeks ago

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.
Posted 3 months, 3 weeks ago

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Posted 3 months, 3 weeks ago

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chic

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
Posted 3 months, 3 weeks ago