20 Witty Quotes to Bring a Smile to Your Face and Spark a Laugh

Witty quotes can be a great way to add some humor and levity to a conversation or brighten up someone’s day. These clever, amusing, and often thought-provoking phrases can be perfect for a variety of occasions, from social media posts to speeches.

1. Life is too short to be serious all the time. So if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me and I’ll laugh at you.
2. If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
3. I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.
4. The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
5. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not sure.
6. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
7. I don’t trust people who do yoga. They’re always up to something sneaky.
8. I’m not always a smartass. Sometimes I’m asleep.
9. I’m not short, I’m concentrated awesome.
10. I’m not lazy, I’m just energy efficient.
11. I’m not always sarcastic. Sometimes I’m sleeping.
12. I’m not lost, I’m just taking the scenic route.
13. I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants. – A. Whitney Brown
14. The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat. – Lily Tomlin
15. I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
16. I’m not a morning person, I’m a coffee person.
17. I’m not a control freak, I’m a control enthusiast.
18. I’m not old, I’m chronologically gifted.
19. I’m not always in a bad mood, some days I’m in a ‘you’re not the boss of me’ mood.
20. I’m not a hoarder, I’m sentimental about my stuff.
21. I’m not procrastinating, I’m just delaying my inevitable success.
22. I’m not opinionated, I’m just always right.
23. I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. – Michael Scott (The Office)
24. I’m not a morning person, but I’m an afternoon person and an evening person.
25. I’m not a failure, I’m a late bloomer.

These witty quotes are sure to bring a smile to your face, spark a laugh and make you think. They are perfect for a quick pick-me-up on a bad day or to add some humor to a conversation. These clever phrases can be used in a variety of ways, from social media posts to speeches, and are sure to be appreciated by anyone who reads them.